Life is like a box of chocolates….

Except someone replaced my chocolate with shit.

I have been out. I know, I know, “Heather, don’t do that to us. All two of us.”

Bad things have happened. I’m coping. And no, no one died and I seem like a complete first world problems whiner about the whole thing and its pathetic and I know. I can’t ignore the fact that everything I do turns to shit. I’m not in a great state of mind right now and I need to get it out of my head.

Wedding reception was a complete embarrassment. Like 25 people showed.n It was the first week of February, I still have left overs in my freezer because I purchased food for 70 people. Afterwards, my best friend decided to drunkenly tell me and my husband we were not existing correctly because we did not want to stay up all night drinking after being publicly humiliated. We apologized to each other but I have spoken to her once since then.

Got laid off my shitty job working for psycho nut case the following Thursday. I was so stunned I couldn’t even say anything when I gathered up my purse and left. I panicked and filled out applications everywhere in this little town.

Husband and I decided I was going to work part time at a sandwich place and let Uncle Sam foot the bill for my college degree before life hits us and we never get the chance to catch up. Bachelor of Social Work. I like to help people. People like to screw me over afterwords, its a government job, best of both worlds.

Who am I kidding? This entire month has been a fucking disaster. I don’t feel like an equal parer in my relationship when I only work 4 hours a day and stay at home baking pies and doing laundry and shit. UGH. Hopefully I will get out of this slump.

I will attempt to write more often. I feel like I’m talking to myself.

I have no idea.

So…. who’s watching the superbowl? Hey me too!! Who has no idea what is going on?? Amybody??? Nope, just me.

I’m not a football fan. My other half is a HUGE sports fan. There are three seasons in our lives. Football, baseball, and basketball.  Each come equipped with their own type of eye-roll-and-sign combination.

This year I decided to be supportive of my husband and spend time with him watching this particular sporting event. He is watching the game and I’m crocheting a rug and we happen to be on the same sofa so that’s as close to fulfilling as we’re getting. (Don’t act so shocked about the rug crochet, you know I’m a crafty wierdo)

Woo, go team! Happy Sunday everybody.

She’s baaaaaaak

I know i kind of fell off the face of the earth for a minute. I have been super busy. Just crazy.
Wedding reception is in 9 days and I think if I don’t see another flower or menu or hear any more about how my husband’s grandparents hate my tattoos I will be just fine. Hunky dorey. FABULOUS.
Yeah, I’m a bit stressed put. I’m trying to
find a new job because I found out in the last few weeks I work for a couple of psychos who don’t know what human decency is. Getting threatened with your job every two days makes a girl cranky. Real cranky. I applied for other jobs, I applied at a gas station for the sake of all that is holy. I’m desperate.

Any way, enough about me, how about you? I would love to know how you, dear reader,  (lookit my Stephen King moment!!) Deal with this nut house carousel set on high that we call life. Let me know.

Ps here’s my dog as proof that I’m sort of sane. And she’s cute.


Running like Crazy

Currently, I’m having the feeling that I never sit still. I have a big project at work and a wedding reception on the 7th of February.  Oh yeah, it’s my wedding reception.

Amid all the chaos, I manage to spend 30 minutes every morning doing some sort of house cleaning. It’s calming.  The hubs thinks it’s weird, but let’s face it, what do I do that’s not weird? Then, in the evening I come home, cook dinner and we have a couple beers and relax. Right now, I’m eating Hershey kisses and getting eye balled by the dog. I think it’s important to slow down. It took me a long time to learn that.

Oh, and the reception? It’s been a nightmare. What with all the screaming, crying and fighting, and that was just my mother in law! She has threatened to disown me twice. Once over mason jars and once over brisket. I don’t want to talk about it, I’ll end up pissed or freaking out. That’s a story for another day.

It’s 5 o’clock in the morning. ..


Any body else know that Lily Allen song? Anybody else awake? I am and its 5 a.m.. The hubs is a truck driver and he leaves at 3 in the morning everyday and gets home around 3 p.m.. Our schedules are a little weird. I guess I just woke up and realized he isn’t here.  This happens a lot.

Speaking of sleep, it still amazes me that we can even be in the same house and sleep. My husband is a light sleeper who snores…. however THAT works. I sleep like the dead. I mean the actual dead,  and walking me up is similar to waking a grizzly bear out of hibernation.

The hubs has this cute little habit where he wakes me up at 7 am on weekends because he can’t sleep anymore. No amount of death threats have deterred this habit.  You see, he is all charged up on 5 hours of sleep,  I’m an 8 hour or god help you kind of girl.

Somehow we make it work.  I still go to bed at 8:30-9 with him so he’s not all screwed up, but I end up getting up a minimum of two hours before I have to go to the office.  We make it work.

Now,  if you’ll excuse me I have to go fire up the keurig….

Everybody hates upper management.

I recently quit my high end cooperate trucking job for my family. I was starting to forget what my husbands facial features were, and my dog no longer recognized me. It was for the best.

I took a local job 7 blocks from home with a little bitty trucking company in the oilfield. Owned and run by a husband and wife duo. Husband seems to have his shit together most of the time and only flips out when necessary.

Then there’s Wife. Wife is a huge pain in the ass 50% of the time. The other 50% she’s not here or doped out on zanax, both of which are nice for me and the only other person who works in the office (small company, remember?)

Wife has great management traits, such as:

  • not showing up when someone is waiting 3 hours for her to cut a check
  • forgetting rules and guidelines that she put in place
  • trying to say that she never makes mistakes, then saying she will never say that she makes mistakes (wrap your head around that one)
  • and my favorite, she is really really really bad at math

That last one is a big one when you are running a business. So, how do I deal with this bipolar ferret like woman? Lots of booze. Just kidding. I don’t need her help, I can drink all on my own.

I have tried suck tactics as:

  • not telling her catastrophic things and just fixing them
  • jingling my keys to distract her
  • playing dumb (hey, I’m still the new guy)
  • and trying not to punch her in the head repeatedly even though I want to. A lot.

I’m open to suggestions people.

I am bankrupt without love


This is not a song lyric.  I know,  I was shocked too!  Just kidding.  This comes from the Bible. I’m not religious but I can dig the meaning.  The husband and I have been together for about two years.  Married less that 3 months. A lot of stuff had gone down in a short amount of time with our relationship.

Before I met my husband,  I was an asshole.  I was a “I don’t need you I’ll do it myself kiss my ass” kind of person.  And a borderline alcoholic.

Is he my knight in shining tinfoil? Did he save me? Did he fulfill my soul? *record scratching noise*….. No, he did not.

He is my best friend. He is the one person I can say “I did a shitty thing” to, and know deep in my heart that he will never think anything of it. He accepts me with all my quirks. And by quirks, I mean I am about the biggest train wreck he’s ever come across. I’m emotional, and most of the time irritated, overwhelmed a lot, and I think way to much. About everything. All the time.

I have to say, my husband is by no means a saint. He’s kind of a pain in the ass. He doesn’t cook on a regular basis. His favorite food groups are “fried” and “pork”. But, he tries really hard and he’s so damn cute and I love him.

So I’m pretty thankful for him. And pretty damn lucky I get to spend the rest of my life with him. Learning to depend on someone else is difficult. I know what it’s like to be alone, I’d rather be right where I am.

Jump in with both feet… right?

I’ve never written a blog.

I’ve seen all the old cliché crap about movies and girls writing blogs and their lives changing. This isn’t that.

Long story short, I’m a newlywed army vet, stuck in the middle of nowhere Oklahoma because the man of my dreams refuses to leave. I’m over sensitive at times. I’m a good cook and I’m opinionated.

Mostly, I’m alone. I don’t fit in here. I have no friends here. So, blog, you will be my friend.

I can’t promise this to be informative or educational, but it should be entertaining.